Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
he quoted the bible to break up with me
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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