This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
