youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
