You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
