Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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