Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
