LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
