dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Randomize
