dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
