So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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