I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
