I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
