best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
