The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
