I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
