so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
