Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
My balls are so social today.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
