I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
