How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
