Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
