at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Green mimosas i think yes
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
