my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
