Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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