butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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