spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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