I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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