"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
