The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
