I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize