Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Who died my cat blue again?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
