Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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