My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I am spending my child support on dildos
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
