why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
