Swine flu is the new snow day.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
