i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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