Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize