dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
