He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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