ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Randomize
