Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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