my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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