At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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