i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Randomize
