ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
