She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize