my sisters under your porch take her home
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Randomize
