In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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