my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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