I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
