I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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