im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
