please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize