i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
jump out the window naked night went bad
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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