It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
