He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
