your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
