I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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