Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
