Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize