not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
