I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize