Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
