remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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