I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
how does that bad decision feel?
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