hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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